Putting Hearts on Paper

When I was 7, my mum held an informal creative writing session in my class at school. To this day, some thirty years later, I can still remember the writing prompts she used and the book that was referenced (Jason's Dragon by Allan Baker). Talk about a core memory.

It wouldn’t be entirely accurate to say I have always wanted to be an author, because it took me until well into adulthood to allow myself to believe it was even a possibility. But it would be accurate to say I have always felt compelled to write, and often found myself reaching for a pen or keyboard over the years.

An itch worth scratching.

Whether it was poetry, school yard fiction in high school, or just random passages of text, writing has always felt like a safe and cathartic way to express and work through complicated thoughts and emotions. A direct passage between my heart and a piece of paper.

In adulthood the allure became more of an itch. A knowing. Something that didn’t just prompt action but demanded it. Something more inevitable.

What started as an epiphanous “Huh, I think I want to write a book” soon became a more decisive “I am going to write a book” to “holy shit I am writing a book.” Main character identified. Genre locked. Creative writing course complete. She’s off and away. 20,000 words in. Look at me go.

Look at me not go.

I embraced the heck out of that initial spark and wrote my little heart out. I let that inspiration drive me until we eventually ran out of fuel. But the joke was on them right?!

By now it was October, NanoWrimo (an annual event in which you aim to write 50,000 words of a novel in the month of November) was on the horizon, which meant I had committed to writing a huge amount of words in the following month like some kind of invincible writing superhero. Dust off your hands. Problem solved.

At first things were looking up. Words were going on the page. I was pushing through. But as I very quickly learnt, forcing myself to write for the sake of meeting a word goal was akin to having a car out of fuel and doing an oil change. Sure, it might be a great idea in theory, but girl you still got no fuel. Problem not solved. 

Flying by the seat of my plants.

During NanoWrimo I managed to write another 20,000 words before I’d pushed things to burn out. I had officially written myself into a hole. I was frustrated at myself and at my book. I didn’t know where to go, I felt lost and overwhelmed.

This exercise wasn’t all for nought though. While I wasn’t sure how usable those 20,000 words would be (which could be said for any words in a first draft really), it did allow me to learn more about my writing process.

I learnt that while I find riding the sparkly wave of inspiration valuable and super fun, full pantsing mode (AKA writing by the seat of your pants with little or no planning) was not for me. A little planning was still needed to stay on track and keep some structure. (I’m still trying to work out exactly where I fall on the Planner/Pantser scale, but I can say it’s firmly in the Plantser territory.)

Just because I write romance, doesn’t mean writing is always romantic.

After NanoWrimo, I gave myself a month’s break from writing to regroup and then decided to start work on what would hopefully become the next book in a series with more of a Plantsing mindset.

While that has been more effective, I’ve still let writing travel further from my mind than I’d like to admit – but if there’s one thing I’d like this blog to be, it’s honest. So, with that in mind I can say with complete honesty it’s been roughly 18 months since then. I’ve been writing for years and am still yet to finish a first draft. Some months I’ve written. Some months I haven’t. Sometimes I put pressure on myself to write and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes it flows and I’m inspired. Sometimes I’m frustrated by how hard and lonely it is.

It is easy to get so heavily invested and put an unrealistic amount of pressure on yourself when you are putting your heart on paper. The fact that we care so much is a good thing, because we are human and our writing should have heart. It’s vulnerable and that’s important.

Imperfect hearts.

During lockdown I attended a virtual event with two incredible Australian authors Holly Ringland and Trent Dalton. They did extensive Q&A about their work and writing and something Holly said has stuck with me ever since.

“You are doing an incredible thing, putting your heart on paper.”

That is what our writing is. It’s what this blog is. Putting hearts on paper. It’s not about perfection. It’s about vulnerability and authenticity. Sometimes our hearts are singing, and sometimes they hurt. But as writers and readers they are always open.

Writing can be exciting and exhilarating and feel like the source of life. But it can also feel like a big old party of one. This blog isn’t about giving advice. It’s about sharing experience. Sharing understanding. It’s your hype person reminding you with an encouraging smile and warm hand on your shoulder that you’re not alone, and that we are all figuring this out as we go, aspiring author or not, at very different paces.

I’ll share what’s worked or what hasn’t, how many words I’ve written or haven’t, what’s inspired me and, let me apologise in advance because as an obsessive reader, probably a little (okay maybe more) gushing about books I’m currently obsessed with.

And on the note of things that’ve inspired me, I’ll finish with another quote from that event:

“Crack your heart open and write”

I think I will..

How about you?

Where things are at now.

WIP 1: 39,073 words (affectionately known as "Book 1")

WIP 2: 22,044 words (affectionately known as "Book 2")